One-on-one practical coaching has remained our main focus at Flowmentum Dating. Maybe you have considered signing up, but didn’t know what to expect and needed more clarity about what’s involved. Or you needed more information to help recommend Flowmentum coaching to others, who are interested in improving their dating life (and learning things that will serve them well in many other areas).
Either way, I’m providing a behind-the-scenes look into the governing principles for the coaching process used for every student in the program. Which should, of course, paint a much clearer picture of the experience and benefits for those I regularly take under my wing.
Establishing Genuine Connections
First and foremost, I treat all students with respect and view them as my peer – a fellow well-adjusted human that wants to perform better, with people in general and having more success with in the dating scene, while learning more about themselves and the world.
That’s the main reason why the mentor-student partnership is treated more as a genuine friendship than a business transaction – getting to know each other and connecting on a fundamental level, which helps me relate to the student and understand their needs, before and during the practical aspect of their coaching.
Instead of feeling like interview process and systematically giving orders, working together as a team makes the student more comfortable and willing to listen, thus taking on-board the feedback and wisdom they are provided, which accelerates their rate of learning. I care about earning trust from the student, forming a like-minded team that can work towards common goals, because I assume they cared enough about their personal development to begin with.
Different Environments – Day and Night
Students are given the option of going out together in the day or night – whether they have signed-up for one day, two weeks or four weeks of coaching. I generally recommend that they do at least one session of each, as to experience a greater variety of environments and situations. This creates a better first-hand understanding of the many differences, particularly social conditioning, becoming more confident and adaptable for greater chance of success when opportunities arise.
When it comes to meeting and attracting women, “Day Game” basically refers to meeting people and learning about social dynamics during your normal everyday life – usually earlier in the day-time. Unconventional by society’s expectations, and strangely intimidating for those not experienced with the concept of “cold approach”, but from my experience a great way to meet women naturally and make some very honest and genuine conections, even if it never progresses beyond friendship. There is much personal growth to gain from expanding one’s comfort zone, along with lessons about momentum and being your “best self”.
On the other hand, “Night Game” refers to more socially-acceptable environments like bars and clubs (or busy streets where people are in close proximity), where people are expected to be gathering and mingling. Most men feel more comfortable in these situations, especially when alcohol is involved, yet my coaching is designed to minimise alcohol and develop a smarter understanding of the process. This involves overcoming fears and anxiety, creating a genuine self-esteem and requisite confidence, and knowing what effective mindsets and actions to use at the right times, for a greater chance at win-win outcomes.
Progressive Learning Prioritisation
Upon wishing to improve oneself in terms of lifestyle, effective social networking and attracting women (Flowmentum Dating’s core areas), it’s easy to overlook the most important aspects that are going to provide the necessary personal growth and results. Or at least, recognise these aspects yet vastly underestimate them.
With a misguided focus, learning and improving becomes are slower and more confusing process, constantly looking into things that are interesting but ultimately not necessary or relevant to one’s particular situation – based on who you are, where you’re currently at, and what you want to achieve. Even if you do figure out what you need and start tangibly heading in the right direction, reaching a new level usually means there’s a greater chance of “falling off the wagon” again, not knowing where to progress from this new point in your journey.
By getting to know the student well on a personal level, along with understanding how they view the world and relate to people, this helps me systematically prioritise what matters most to them – addressing their most immediate and pressing issues and sticking points first. This entails finding out their existing pros and cons, finding ways to use their strengths to their advantage, while also recognising what’s holding them back from success and setting goals for constant improvements in many flagging areas. Knowing where the biggest holes are, and how to plug them first.
These are often deeper, more fundamental “inner game” issues, but also incorporates a combination of many “outer game” issues that are unique to the student, which will be repeatedly addressed and refined until they are handled to a sufficient degree, before working down the list of “most important to least important”. During this time, I will track progress and it’s expected that the student will naturally becomes more self-aware to track their own progress (knowing what’s helping and not helping them). This also involves constantly reviewing their current level, seeing if there are any new things to address, which we might have overlooked or didn’t realise had emerged over time.
Learn Through Osmosis (AKA “Mirror Neuron Effect”)
Humans are, by nature, a product of their environment – the conditioning and direct influences surrounding them, having developed through a first-hand understanding of the world, adapting beliefs and behaviours from the communication of other people. This universal phenomenon is particularly important for teaching and coaching, and I have a heightened awareness of my direct effect upon a student’s development, leading by example.
As a practical example, I might demonstrate my naturally cultivated ability to banter and build rapport with most reasonably responsive people – I give myself permission to express myself and take action, which helps the student also give themselves permission to act upon the same principles, even if their personality and approach is different than mine. I will often build momentum with students and pro-actively create situations to interact with women particularly, which helps the student believe they could effortlessly do the same, by showing that I’m just a regular person with some confidence and continual evolving skills, which anyone can cultivate with enough determination.
When the mind is rewired through attribute-gaining osmosis for greater self-belief – greater autonomous action can be taken, and I always notice that the student’s identity and behaviours shift towards existing in a similar paradigm that I have already developed for myself. A transition occurs where the student will be expected to operate independently of my assistance, adapting my attitude and behaviours into their own willingness to learn through experience – without the requirement of the initial “safety net” (myself as a mentor figure), to get their foot in the door.
Fun Learning / Serious Development
I believe that learning should be fun and dynamic, keeping the experience interesting and free-flowing, and certainly not a laborious chore or just repeating the exact same motions and mantras until you get it right. This neatly ties into the ideas of becoming a more spontaneous, adaptable, unstifled and expressive person, which are very useful traits for meeting and getting along with people in general, not just women.
However, there’s generally more profound meanings and positive implications behind our actions – I’m always remain mindful of the principles and lessons that underline a student’s “doing”, which are best going to have a positive effect on a student’s personal growth (AKA changing their state of “being”). These are communicated for clarity and to keep the student on the right track, based on monitoring the cause and effect of their actions. Yet also keeping it progressively relevant to address specific issues and situations, as they arise, to avoid overloading them with too much info they might not necessarily need at one particular time.
By reading between the lines, I not only help their immediate understanding, but also help them cultivate the skill of “joining the dots” and having their own realisations. Especially when I’m not immediately available to provide feedback for them. In essence, they become better at “coaching themselves” through life, with a greater confidence and enjoyment for the process, after my influence has served its purpose. Which leads into the last point…
Short-Term Training / Long-Term Thinking
Of course, there’s only so much time and attention I can provide any particular student before coaching ends and life goes on. A better life with greater outlook, nonetheless, considering that overcoming initial barriers and discovering important lessons are designed to serve the student’s progress in the long-term.
New mindsets are internalised, processes are developed – then it becomes the student’s responsibility to continue applying themselves and track their own progress. In other words, after providing the initial guidance and laying-out the framework to build upon, they have ideally gained enough clarity and motivation to overcome future sticking points and achieve success at a faster rate.
Personal development should be viewed as an ongoing journey, sometimes hard but always rewarding. Not a quick-fix solution which fails to address core issues – a realistic outlook I remind students so they can succeed more in the short-term and long-term. Not to mention more joy and appreciation for the journey itself, and everything it teaches you, both during my coaching and how they continue to develop beyond it.
That is, however, only if they choose to continue, with behaviours and habits to support continued learning, since there is never an obligation or necessary desire once they are happy and have no pressing desire to do so. Fortunately though, from my point of view, students have generally developed an even greater curiosity about the world and desire to continue learning after my direct sessions with them.
Visit our coaching page and contact Chris when you’re ready to book your FREE no-obligation consultation.