An observation I’ve made from experience – consistently going out and pro-actively pushing the comfort zone – is the feeling of either being “Public Hero” or “Public Enemy Number One” (terms explained below), and sometimes this might feel completely beyond your control. A positive or negative energy and automatic association, spread throughout the collective consciousness, which is projected onto you – seemingly before you have the chance to present/express yourself, and provide a chance for people to appropriately think and react.
However, you must recognise that you always have a certain amount of control and influence over your perception – always capable of doing your best within the situational circumstances, to create an upward spiral of positive emotions and greater capacity for displaying attractive traits. Which leads to an overall acceptance of whatever happens, and increasingly better results overall, rather than a downward spiral of doubt and frustration that stops any action being taken.
Truth be told, we all want to be the hero. The proverbial knight in shining armour who is instinctively adored, trusted and respected – viewed in such a positive light of human and masculine value that you can virtually “do no wrong” in other people’s minds, which makes everything easier. Recognised and appreciated for being well-intentioned, a confident “leader of men”, effortlessly making others feel at ease, and taking advantage of the heightened “benefit of the doubt” consciousness that is already working in your favour.
On the flip-side, it makes sense that guys want to avoid being automatically perceived as the “public enemy” – a term I use to describe when it feels that the world is against you, due to low perceived value, making it difficult to connect with others in a positive way and get the ball rolling. In other words, polar opposite to the hero and providing significantly less initial leverage to convey value and achieve your goals – particularly attraction and connection with women. Starting at a “lower position”, and having to make a bigger effort to “prove yourself” and “win people over”, rather than starting where you want to be.
Imagine a scale that ranges from both ends of the spectrum, from 100% enemy to 100% hero. I believe there are various factors, both inside and outside your control, which collectively determine where you are positioned on this scale at any given time. So even though I started writing about this concept in pretty black and white terms, it’s a little more complex due to the compounding effect of different things.
We’ll look at some external factors first; for example, the weather. This might sound quite superficial, but from gathering plenty of tangible evidence during the changing seasons every year, I think it has quite a dramatic affect on people’s comfort levels, moods and overall energy. How they view themselves, the world, and other people. You might even relate to this. We’re only human!
This directly translates to social situations – during Winter in particular, I notice it manifests as people generally feeling less open-minded and relaxed, perhaps more stress and worries, therefore being less inclined to meet new people, especially when it comes to meeting and enjoying the company of the opposite sex. This is further amplified during non-holiday periods, when many people are busy working/studying, which can be mentally demanding and distracting, moving them further away from the social headspace you would like and expect them to be in. But when you come along, feeling significantly less stifled and pro-actively bridging the social gap, it’s not surprising to be framed more as an “enemy”, perhaps a “foreign entity” that doesn’t make sense; arousing more auto-pilot suspicion and a sense of strangeness since they’re not on the same level.
On the other hand, warmer weather seems to instil a greater sense of joy and adventure, where meeting new people is considered normal, therefore everyone can relate to each other with greater ease. Even for very conservative people, a greater sense of social freedom develops – even at a “accepting and respecting another human being” level, not just in terms of developing romantic relationships. Personalities and expectations can change dramatically, depending on the immediate nature of the environment; a natural form of social conditioning!
Thus, easier for men to be framed as “hero” from the outset, with confidence and positive expression being greater appreciated, meeting expectations due to everyone already being in a more social headspace. This is similar to special/community events and festivals, where everyone attending already feels a sense of connectedness and value through proximity and similar interests, in which everyone will automatically see each other in a positive way, so platonic or romantic relationships are easier to form. This also ties into meeting through work or your social circle.
Relating to women in particularly, there are also some personal factors that can instinctively have them immediately interpreting and justifying you as their “enemy” – bad experiences with men, recently ended a relationship, family issues, upbringing and value system… the list goes on! But it’s important to remain grounded, take nothing personally, accept you generally wont know the beliefs and motivations of others (until developing rapport and asking the right questions), while also maintaining the standards of what you’re looking for, in terms of women and people in general. Screening and non-neediness still applies.
Regardless of which external factors are hindering or helping your public perception of value on the hero-enemy scale, at any given time, your main focus of attention should lie within developing the best mindsets and always taking action. The chances of being the “hero” will be significantly skewed in your favour, for example, by maintaining positive emotions and taking action, despite setbacks and periods of self-doubt and ambiguity. Treat yourself as a hero, and others will follow!
Another powerful ability is being able to completely detach from your self-image, seeing the triviality and humour in people who are more inclined to view others as the “enemy” – remaining level-headed while “testing the waters”, in regard to their level of social acceptance and personality type. Being pro-active enough to judge whether someone is just “having bad day”, or is generally someone you wouldn’t like or want to get along with, is another key trait to develop.
This also creates a greater feeling of control and emotional stability; quicker to recognise and avoid negative/closed-off people, which treat you like their enemy and make you feel that “everyone” is perceiving you in a similar way, and instead just building social momentum with more suitable people where better interactions can occur. This still doesn’t guarantee that you will be completely hero, but it’s more about putting your best foot forward in the context of the situation, following an effective process to make you feel hero-ish. Assuming hero vibes until they eventually “come true”, would be another way to describe it.
It might sound like earlier I exaggerated or over-emphasized the significance of weather in relation to the hero-enemy scale, but seasonal differences are something I have researched from my subjective experience as every year transpires, at least here in Adelaide. If this isn’t particularly relevant, relatable or useful to your own experiences, then my social observations and considerations can be taken with a grain of salt.
However, I hope this article (which grew bigger to incorporate more related ideas than originally planned) will inspire more people to think about societal cause-and-effect; a greater awareness of themselves and the motivations of others, due to various combined influences, and have a greater acceptance of your perceived value in different situations. While also developing a better understanding, which leads to more control over it.
Of course, you’re never purposefully trying to be the enemy, but never be alarmed if this perception inadvertently arises – seemingly reflecting that things are not “working” as expected, or you’re not getting the approval from others you want. Taking action and following the learning process, like anything, will move you towards your goals – the goal here is shifting all odds in your favour, moving further and more regularly up the “hero scale”. And women love a good ol’ fashioned hero. At least, you have to believe they do.